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My Second Trip Through Adolescence
Brenda (Moulds) Beerhorst Lower East Side NYC 1985
I met and fell in love with a girl who I met one Friday night in the Spring of 1985 at the bar. We had fun dancing that night and tho she didn’t say much she definitely hooked me and I came out of the bar with her name and phone number. We went out the next night for and the longest romance of my life was kicked off with cheap Mexican food. Brenda and I were married for 30 years. We had six children together and countless adventures. I am not going to even begin to try to sum up three decades of life together except to say I learned innumerable life lessons yoked together with this girl and for each of these hard won lessons I remain thankful. Two years ago we restructured the relationship. Our legal marriage contract dissolved left us both free to begin the discovery of what it would mean to rebuild new lives living in different physical locations.
I really enjoyed my married life (at least about 28 years of it anyway) and now I love being single. I think that you would agree that there are different seasons in a person’s life. I have come to believe that knowing the life season you are in is really important because otherwise you can not totally embrace what makes sense now. Being single after so many years of married life has often felt like I’m going through adolescence all over again. The last two years has been a time of both disorientation and discovery. I know this is a transitional period for me and that is bringing up issues of independence and self-identity that can make me feel out of sorts and confused.
The first year out of my marriage I was working on these large oil painting portraits that came about through a process of painting and then scraping down what I had carefully built up only to build it up again. This process of building up and tearing down to build up again has become a very helpful metaphor for challenging times in my life. Leaving my wife of 30 years was like dragging the drywall knife through my wet painting and now I am rebuilding my life again to be a life that I am fully engaged in, a life that I love.
There is a comment opportunity here so if you have ever experienced a life up-hevel that left you feeling like a clumsy adolescent for awhile please share something with us here about what that was like for you. Who knows, your thoughts may just what we need to help us have the courage to take the next step of faith into the life that we want to begin living with full velocity.