I have been battling doubts and worries lately. I am fighting back. Writing this blog post is fighting back. I am reminded of the words of Jesus when he said; "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I love that reminder, because it roots me right back into the place I am right now. I want to spend more time and energy in the moment I am in, and less time in my past, or worrying about what might happen in the future. I want to enjoy what is available to me in this day - and not worry about what could be swept away from me in the future .
How do we battle doubt? We put one foot in front of the other - and just take the next step. It might be washing a sink full of dishes. It might be going back through a few days of emails looking for lost threads. It may be starting a pot of vegetable soup stock that will go into dinner tonight. The next step may be sitting on the couch and watching cars go by for the next fifteen minutes. Sometimes I have an abundance of confidence, and I can just charge forward in the studio, make the difficult phone call, and pay the bills with the last remnants of our checking account balance, other times I struggle through a swamp of doubts and fears just to do the simplest things. Neither is a permanent state, but they seem to oscillate like some kind of wave pattern. This may be what's left of my bipolar disorder on the other side of medication and therapy. This may just be living life. Can you relate?